Dejected

This morning, my grade 8s took their Physical Science End of Term Exam. I just took a look at them. They're awful. Terrible. Absolutely abysmal. And that's my good class. Sure, one or two students got maybe an 80%, but those are the kids that would have done just as well with no teacher at all. I don't even want to look at the other class's exams. I feel like a complete and utter failure.

It's not a complete surprise-- their grades were none too stellar even before the exam, but after our review session yesterday where kids were shouting out (correct) answers, I had hope that they might pull some decent marks. Guess not. I'm wonder how the scores would be different if they had had the test read aloud to them. I have a feeling (or at least a hope) that the marks would be significantly higher. But alas, that's not how it works.

I feel terrible. I am sad and dejected beyond belief. I am no longer sure that I am really serving a purpose here. Clearly my kids aren't learning anything from me, so wouldn't they be better off with a teacher they can at least understand? We found out earlier this week that our school has 5 more teachers than we should have based on student population, which from what I can tell, means that 5 teachers will have to be transferred  Part of WorldTeach's deal with the Ministry is that a volunteer should not be taking a position away from another teacher, we are supposed to be placed in schools where there is a position that cannot be filled. With five teachers having to be transferred  in my mind, that means that one teacher that should be staying here will not be, because of me. A teacher who can't reach her students. So again I ask, why am I here?

Now I know you all will say that they *are* learning from me, that just the exposure to more English is helping more than I can tell, that being part of a more student-centered classroom is extremely beneficial to them, and that I shouldn't expect miracles overnight. You may be right. But that doesn't change the fact that two thirds of my learners will fail term one-- and that's by Namibian standards, where failing means getting less than 30%. It doesn't change the fact that I feel awful.

I am tired. I am tired of giving my all to these learners and having them blatantly disrespect me in return. They do not listen, they do not pay attention, and they have told me they don't respect me like other teachers because they know I won't beat them. well they're right, so what do I do with that? Although I have never seen another teacher use corporal punishment, they do assign mis-behaving learners to do physical labor that I am not comfortable using as punishment  I was bad enough at discipline when a fair, school-wide system was in place, now, I'm at a loss. I don't even know who to talk to about it because I don't know how to tell other teachers that I refuse to make a learner sit with holding a chair over their head as punishment for not standing when giving an answer (yes, this is a real example). I don't have any ideas.

I am frustrated because I know that although I still am far from being considered a good teacher,I know that my approach is much more beneficial than the traditional Namibian style of covering a chalkboard with the summary, having the learners copy it down, and calling it a day, I am seeing that because the learners aren't used to my style, they are having a hard time learning from it, or at least retaining the information for very long. I haven't had to defend my teaching style yet, but I fee like I do have to, and wouldn't be able to, because it's not really working very well.

*************
Ok. Well, the preceding paragraphs were written literally moments after looking at the exams, while still at school. Obviously those emotions are pretty raw. I've calmed down a bit. I emailed my Field Director, who told me those results are TOTALLY normal for first term, particularly for volunteers. He reminded me that I'm still figuring out the system and the kids are still figuring me out. They will improve, but it's a slow process. He also reminded me that it's not my job to work miracles.

I am glad that we have a break coming up, I need some time to get refreshed and re-energized  I'm planning on spending these next few weeks of exams brainstorming new ideas for next semester and trying find some classroom structure/routine that will be a bit of a common ground between the learners and me. Upon reflection, I was definitely pretty unorganized coming into this year. I didn't really know what to expect, so I don't think my expectations for them were as clear as they needed to be. Students need clear expectations, and this is multiplied ten-fold when you add in a language barrier and a completely new teaching style. I know that for the most part, my students like me, so I think that once I figure out what I want the class to look like, they will meet those expectations. (Particularly if they have the incentive of an end-of-term movie night!)

While I am still disappointed in myself for not having a more successful first term (anyone who knows me knows that I was secretly expecting near-miracles of myself), I am feeling a little bit more optimistic about the remainder of the year. I am still happy hear and loving what I am doing, despite all the challenges. I am placed at a great school, with a great living situation, and have made great friends. So the teaching is hard. Duh. Teaching is always hard, but it's what I've dedicated my life to and I still can't imagine doing anything else.

Break is coming up soon, I will be reunited with the fellow volunteers for mid-service training where I am fully expecting some rant sessions, followed by some team brainstorming to help conquer our various challenges. Then I will have a few weeks of traveling Southern Africa with my friends, and then I will be meeting my mom who is coming to visit for a couple of weeks. I CANNOT wait.

Much love to you all, especially if you stuck through and read this whole post. I really hate writing things like this where I admit I'm having a hard time, especially if it seems like I'm complaining, so thanks for listening. Getting it out into the world helped a lot. =)

Shipping Out

This is going to be a short one. Just said goodbye to Ted, Jessie, and Catherine as they left for their villages. Now it's time to finish packing for my own departure in about an hour. This saying goodbye thing is hard, but luckily I'm relatively close to several people, so semi-frequent meet ups shouldn't be too difficult to coordinate.

I'm extremely excited to go to my village, but am experiencing a pretty healthy dose of nervousness and anxiety too. However all of you have assured me that I will do great, and in fact was meant for this, so I guess I trust you.

I'm not sure when I'll be able to post again, hopefully not too long, but will do my best to at least send word of my safe arrival sometime tomorrow. Thank you all again for your continued support, I can't wait to share my adventure with you because really, this is just the beginning!

All my love,
Jamie

First Impressions

Last Saturday we packed up our teaching clothes, put our extra bags in storage and piled into two vans for the near 10 hour trek north. It was hot and cramped, but the scenery was gorgeous and the sky was brilliant blue. After a few pit stops, we crossed the Red Line. Officially, this is a veterinary disease control mechanism and protects southern commercial cattle farmers by prohibiting northern farmers from selling their meat south of the line. Unofficially, this servers as a separation from more affluent  Afrikaans  southern Namibia from poor, native, black northern Namibia. Crossing the line, the striking difference is apparent immediately. Driving through the north was a continuous check of my privilege, as each squalid village we passed through left me thinking "what have I gotten myself into". Going into this experience, I of course was expecting to see extreme poverty, but nothing can quite prepare you for seeing it first hand, especially when you know it is your home for the next year. The cement and aluminum buildings seemed hardly big enough for people to fit in, never mind to be homes, bars, or markets (essentially the only three types of buildings I have seen in the villages). I started to get really nervous about my coming year, and wondered if I was cut out for this after all. I was afraid that I was the only one thinking this, and hated myself for being so judgmental.

About an hour away from our destination, we stopped in the largest city in the north to pick up supplies for the week. This is the city that I will be going to to buy groceries, clothes, school supplies, and anything else I need to buy while I am here. Once again, I was shocked at how underdeveloped it was, considering it's the second largest city in the country. Everything seemed so run down. Another privilege check. We got out at the local grocery store to do our shopping. We had been broken into groups of four to do the cooking for the week. Each group was in charge of one dinner and my group decided to do a stir-fry. After adjusting to the smaller size, I was pleasantly surprised by the selection at Spar. Although I did not have 10 brands of orange juice to choose from, the shelves were well stocked with familiar food items, and I breathed a sigh of relief to know that I would still be able to make some of my favorite foods. (No dill though, this may be an issue...) We managed to locate almost everything we wanted for the stir-fry, with the exception of soy sauce, so we settled for curry and were on our way. 

We drove on for another hour on a dirt road to the village of Omungwelume, where we would be doing our teaching practicum. We would be staying in the dorms of the Eengadjo Secondary School and cooking in the on campus house where two of the volunteers who are placed in this village would be living. As we drove away from the city, the scenery changed a bit from the more barren desert landscape to one that was much more reminiscent of NH/VT farm lands. Trees lined the road and behind them, traditional homesteads sat like islands among the vast fields of wheat, sorgum, and murala. The vans slowed periodically to allow herds of cattle and goats to cross the roads and before long, we pulled into Omgwemlume. The town was a larger version of the villages we had seen on the drive up, but as we drover further off the main road, the houses seemed a little bit bigger and more sturdy. When we got to the school, we first went to Jessie and Ted's house to drop off the groceries. After a sentimental moment of our Field Director (Bret) handing his old keys over the Ted and Jessie, we opened the door and stepped inside. The house was an absolute MESS, to the horror of the new occupants, but after an hour or so of 15 person teamwork, we managed to throw out all the trash and dirty underwear (yup, yup) and had scrubbed the kitchen so it at least resembled a place where food could safely be cooked. I started attacking the oven, which was covered in about five layers of grime, and that became my project for the week. It actually became a bit of a joke amongst the volunteers- whenever we had some free time, I could always be found scouring away. It looked pretty good by the end if I do say so myself. 

When dinner had been cooked, my group cleaned up by candlelight and then we made our way back to the dorms to get ready for bed. We would be arising early the next day to begin our teaching, so I took a quick (cold) shower and climbed into my homemade sleeping bag (thanks mom) and fell asleep. 

Coming soon: our week teaching in Omungwelume, a traditional Oshiwambo meal, and the trip back. Stay tuned!

Peace,

Jamie

Namibian New Years

Wu uhala po! (That's 'good afternoon' in Oshiwambo!)

Well I made it to Namibia safely! After a short flight from Boston to NYC, I spent Saturday night getting to know other volunteers and enjoying the last of luxuries such as TV, fast  internet and hot showers. We then got up early on Sunday, made our way to the airport, and with no major incidents, made it onto our flight to Joburg. Fifteen (very long and uncomfortable) hours later, we landed, then had to sprint to the other side of the airport to make our connecting flight to Windhoek. As it turns out though, we needn't have sprinted- we waited on the bus to take us out on the tarmac for another 15 minutes. First lesson in African time I suppose. Our flight to Windhoek was a comparatively short two hours. We landed at the much-smaller-than-expected airport, made it through customs, and then were delighted to find that all of our luggage had arrived! We met with Bret, our Field Director and stepped into the hot Namibian sun for the first time. We took a van into the city though the gorgeous countryside. Namibia is much more hilly than I would have expected. In a way it reminds me of southern NH, but all the trees are only like 5 feet tall so you can see over them and way off into the distance.

Once arriving at the hostel, we met with the rest of the volunteers who had come the day before and settled into our rooms for the next few weeks. We had the first of our orientation sessions on introductions/the basics and then took a run to a store to buy beer for the night! I was thrilled to find that they have a really good brand of cider from South Africa called Hunters- still not Woodchuck, but really good. I also managed to get some peanut butter (phew!). We came back and hung out for awhile, then had our first Namibian braai (BBQ) which Bret and his friends cooked for us. It was absolutely delicious, and I now have no fear of not eating while I'm here! By this point it was about 10PM and I was determined on making it until midnight, even though I hadn't really slept in about 36 hours and was exhausted. A group of us played some games to keep us up, and then turned on the TV to see how Windhoek does New Years. Let me tell you, it is no Times Square. There was a musical group on stage who we later found out was Namibia's most famous group, but you would not have known that by looking at the audience. They were still and silent- no dancing, no singing, no cheering, nothing. The act consisted of some rap, and the singers basically just taking their clothes off. Then some girls in bike shorts and sports bras came out and danced with them. It was all quite interesting. A few minutes before midnight, the guy that owns the hostel invited us outside to countdown and for a champagne toast. I rung in the New Year by dancing and drinking with new friends in a new city.

More to come (hopefully with pictures) at a later date. I miss and love you all so much! Thank you once again for all the support you have all given me, I would not be here without it. Happy New Year everyone!

Love from Africa,

              Jamie

Nine Days

(I know I promised a new post as soon as I found out my placement, but I'm afraid I'm a week late. What can I say, it's been a busy week.)

Last Tuesday, I got the email that I had been waiting for for months. I will be teaching...drumroll please...8-9th grade math and science in a small village called Onamutai in northern Namibia! (Click on the village name for a map!) While the village itself is quite small, I am only about a half hour away from three large towns where I can easily go to buy anything I need. I am also within about 45 minutes of five other volunteers, so I won't be completely isolated for the year. I still don't know exactly what my housing situation will be, it's possible that I'll be staying with a community member and his family, or I could be in teaching housing, which is an apartment with 3-4 local teachers. Either way, I'll have my own bedroom, electricity, running water (though not hot), and a fridge. My school is small-grades 8-12 with around 430 learners and 22 teachers. Within the last year, they received a computer lab with 35 new laptops, internet, and a smartboard! I'm excited to have the opportunity bring some technology into my lessons, and to increase the use of technology at the school as a whole.

With only nine days left until I leave for Namibia via NYC, I am back at home in NH to begin packing. I had a whirlwind last few days at THS and had a hard time saying goodbye to both my amazing coworkers and my students. Leaving MA also meant that I had to say goodbye to many of my friends for the year. But now I am home, ready for one last round of goodbye visits, and the impossible task of packing a years worth of my life into two suitcases. If anyone has any suggestions for this, I'm all ears!

Many people have asked me recently for ideas of things they can could get me for Christmas to use on my trip. I greatly appreciate everyone's thoughtfulness and I will let you all know if I think of anything, but at this point, it seems most of the things that I will need to buy, I will buy there so as to not have to pack them. Therefore, as unexciting at it is, if you would like to help out with my preparations  money is the most useful thing. I have paid my volunteer fee, but my bank account took quite a hit, and I would be extremely grateful for any contributions that people can make.

I think that's all for now, I'll try to post one more time before leaving and then again as soon as I can once we land. If anyone has questions about my upcoming adventure that I didn't answer, feel free to post them in the comments and I'd be happy to answer! Also, if you want to get emails when I update my blog, be sure to enter your email address where it says "Follow by Email" at the left of this post.

Once again, thank you SO MUCH to everyone for your continued support, it means more than you could know!
Peace,
Jamie

Getting Real

So, it's been a LONG time since I've posted and so much has happened in my life since my last post. Here's the quick version: I got a last minute job teaching 8th grade math at the school I student taught at, so instead of spending my last few months at home working and preparing, I moved down to MA at the end of August and started a full time teaching job two days later. Yup.

Because of the job, I have been extremely busy, hence the lack of updates. As stressful and crazy as it is to teach 82 8th graders, I do love it. I know it's preparing me really well for both teaching in Africa, and for whatever teaching position I get when I get back. It's nice to be back in the Math Dept at Taunton High where I know everyone is looking out for me.

The job has also caused preparations for leaving to become slightly complicated. I haven't been able to start packing since I'm not living at home, and being in another state has made all the medical components into a nightmare (HUGE thank you to my mom who spent days on the phone with the insurance company and probably like twelve different doctors...). That being said, my shots are (mostly) done, my visa application is in, I'm submitting my loan deferment application tomorrow and aside from actually packing, I'm starting to feel like I have most of my stuff together. Oh! and I found out my departure date! I leave from NYC on the morning of December 30th, and will land in Namibia on the 31st. Happy New Year to us! I haven't found out where exactly I'll be, or what I'll be teaching, but I hope to hear soon, and I promise I'll let you know!

I wish I could say my mental preparations were going as well as my physical preparations, however, as anyone who has been around me lately can attest, I am an emotional basketcase. I've been joking that I feel like I'm pregnant with mood swings every hour. I go from being wicked excited to finally being able to live out my dream, to incredibly sad that I will have to leave everyone I love for a whole year. I've gotten really comfortable with my new life-I have a good job, I'm close to a lot of my friends, I've started dating someone-and the fact that I'm about to give all of this up for a year is terrifying! I know that it will all be worth it, that my friends will all be here when I get back, I'll find another job, que sera sera, but it's still hard to think about. So to everyone who has listened patiently to me complain over the past few weeks, THANK YOU. Your consoling has done wonders and I would not be managing right now without you. To those that haven't seen me in a while-fair warning, I'm not the bubbly optimist I usually am...
I've also recently gotten in contact with a handful of other people who are going to Namibia with me, which has been really exciting. It's nice to talk to other people who are going through the same thing, and I can't wait to meet them. I know that by this time next year, I'll have 13 great new friends.

Before I finish this very long and extremely overdue blog post, I want to ask everyone for a favor. Since I suddenly landed this job, it means that my planned fundraising efforts at home in NH have gotten squashed. Although I am making pretty good money, I still am hoping to raise a bit more to help cover the expense of the trip, as well as to have some to use for an in country project (building a library, starting a new club at my school, etc). I have gotten donations from a few people and would really appreciate any amount anyone can donate. If you would like to contribute, you can donate online (the information is in the previous blog post) or if you'd rather mail something to me, you can let me know and I'll send you my address. I really appreciate everyone's support!

Make sure you bookmark this link, or enter your email in the "Follow by Email" box to get emails when I update the blog. I'm hoping to be updating fairly regularly from here on out! Thank you to everyone, this wouldn't be possible without you! =)

Peace,
Jamie

Begging for change (well, sort of)

Hi again everyone!

I promised to let you know how you can help, so here goes:

In order to take part in this program, I have to pay a $5,995 program fee. "But wait," I hear you say, "why do you have to pay to volunteer?!" That's a good question. This fee covers my housing for the year, my airfare to and from Namibia, basic health insurance, as well as the costs to run the orientation and training sessions. Although some wealthier nations that WorldTeach operates in subsidize these costs, Namibia cannot afford to, which is part of the reason why they need volunteers so desperately. It is a lot of money to pay, but when you look at what it covers, it is a very fair price (I wouldn't be able to live many places in the US for a year for $6000!)  Once I am there, I will be paid a $350 per month stipend to pay for food and living expenses.

This is where you come in; I need your help to raise the money to participate in this program. Remember, you are not just sending me to Africa, you are providing a classroom full of deserving students with a qualified teacher for a year that they would not otherwise have access to.

If you would like, you can make a tax deductible donation to WorldTeach on their donation website. Just make sure you put my name in the "Name of WorldTeach Volunteer" box and select the "Contribution to Volunteer Fee" option on the "Donation Specified For" box. (Please note that there is a $1.50 transaction fee on all credit card donations under $100.) If you would rather make a donation directly to me to be applied to my program fee, please contact me and I will send you my address. 

I appreciate anything you are able to give; every little bit helps and a promise to bring you back a souvenir as a thank you! Thank you so much for your continued support! Keep checking back for updates, and as always, let me know if you have questions!

Jamie

Welcome to WorldTeach-Namibia!

Hi everyone, and welcome to my blog!
As most of you know, I will be leaving after Christmas and spending 2013 in Namibia with WorldTeach! I will be placed in a village school and will most likely be teaching math. I have been hoping for an opportunity like this for as long as I can remember and I could not be more excited to embark on this journey!

In case you've never heard of Namibia before (I hadn't before finding WorldTeach so don't worry!), I've provided a map for you. The WorldTeach website also has some great information about the country and the program if you want to find out more, and of course you can also always ask me!

Namibia is in yellow.

As you can imagine, internet in Namibia is not the easiest thing to come by, so updates to the blog will likely be less than frequent once I arrive, but I will do my best to keep it updated as much as possible! Before I go, I plan on updating with more information that I get as I receive it (like the village and school I am placed in!), as well as things that you all can do to help me get to Namibia (hint: think donations!).

Thank you all so much for your support and friendship! I hope that this blog will prove to be a (somewhat) effective way of keeping in touch while I'm gone! But that's not for a little while, so for now I suppose just enjoy reading about Namibia? Haha =)